Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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