I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
