You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
