I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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