im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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