She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
