Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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