I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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