Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
