I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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