Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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