My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
