I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize