i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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