A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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