Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
