i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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