i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize