Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
