i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
