i permit you to call me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize