My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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