So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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