Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
