at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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