i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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