if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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