How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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