His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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