i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
