Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
