The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
