I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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