Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
