Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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