As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
