Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
