I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize