It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
