I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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