yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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