finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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