Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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