FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
