Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
