i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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