I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
operation harelip BJ is a go
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
