i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
