I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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