i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
