I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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