i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just invented taco cereal.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
