We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
