i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
