Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well most of my day revolves around power hour
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
