It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
