Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
