Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
