i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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