and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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