someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
