Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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